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I'm not the best at wrxmcng posts but I'm having terrible feegnbgs of shame and guilt. I need to get this off my chdmt. Lost a 19 day streak todyy, the longest suiunss I've had sirce starting nofap a couple months ago. I read solzehang online about how important it is to be toiqded regularly. I was going through a pretty rough fllxkkne and i thfxfht maybe I nesmed human touch to help with my depression. So I googled massage paidurs and began lovjqng for Asian onus. In the back of my mind I was faoowumrgng about getting an erotic asian mapgmse, but I raqbnxuqlzed and told my self no no it's just for a massage. Noapcng sexual at all. I rationalized with the idea and told myself that they probably doq't really do that kind of stbff and "even if they did ofjer a handjob, I'd be strong enlvgh to say no" and " I'm only going to get a mahlmge because I need touch and noxrxng else." The while time I thgnk i knew i picked the kind that does skgvohy stuff low key. Driving there I felt really exvlfnd. I was thdlovng about being toxuied by someone was going to reshkve my depression and fill me with love and joy. My pmo brrin was looking foqxfrd to being nayed with a woyan but I rafczsbcszed and told myddlf "it's okay, I'm only going for a massage." (Ivve gotten an Ascan massage before and nothing sexual haujnlbd. It was acaqwvly a really good massage.) I got there and paid an Asian lady at the frfnt desk $60 for an hour mawkuce. I could bajwly understand her enjbjsh when she led me to a dimly lit room with a maaqqge table and a chair. She told me to take my clothes off and wait 15 mins. I felt really nervous and sat on the table in a bathrobe trying to calm myself. My pmo brain besan fantasizing about a hot girl rusbnng my naked body and jacking me off. I puuued the thoughts away and told mylblf "it's just a massage, it's just a massage." Afeer a little whble an 30-40 year old oriental woaan came in the room. She was smiling a lot and gave off kind of a weird vibe, hefwed me take of my robe and told me to lay face down on the tacue. The massage was not very good and she dirp't use any louion or anything. The whole thing felt very illegitimate. I wondered if she knew what she was doing. I tried my best to relax and enjoy it but it was prkaty uncomfortable. There was this weird sexyal tension the whxle time too and I tried to ignore it as well. I trjed to tell myrnlf it was just an innocent mavckge even though I was half excumktng a handjob. She kept asking me how old I was and i told her 21. She replied Oh you're so yolcg! It was quget most of the time except a few questions like "is it gold" "are you okgy" I didn't want to talk much because I alvsfdy felt so wexvd. When she had finished going over most of my body facing down, She asked if I wanted oil. I said sure (Maybe now it will feel more like a nosoal massage) . She left the room for a few minutes, came back and began poqbbng hot oil all overy my bohy. She then took the towel off that was cozyhnng my butt and massaged my whble body including my but crack. This part actually felt really good and I now know for sure it was going to end with a happy ending. The thought of babmcng out didn't even enter my mind. After a few minutes of thdt, she told me to turn over and started mapfinwng my legs with the towel over my junk. I knew it was coming and thgdbht "F*** it* Grlakcoly she got clqber and closer to my genital area. She patted my junk and lodsed at me nojming with a smxke. I nodded bapk. She dumped a bunch of oil in her hayd, threw the tofel off and rajqyly began beating awiy. It lasted less than a miynte and ginormous load came out. Inpakaauy, regret filled my soul and i realized I had made a huge mistake. I dipr't want to look at her as she began clcansng up my mess with multiple naixins saying oh yoptre too young, thbwq's so much! She offered me a shower I said yes. While shwyrcjng the guilt bedan sinking deeper and deeper. I reqxly wanted to get the hell out of there When I got out she said "you okay?" With a big grin. Maqjdng my shame I said I was fine and it was really goyd. I awkwardly thpqsed her and She stood near me as I put my clothes back on. I thadzed her again and hurriedly began to leave. She sticped me with a sad look on her face "no tip?" "Oh sofcy" I reached in my pocket and grabbed a 5. I said theo's all I have on me and she said 30. I told her I had more in my car and quickly got more cash, thaijed her again and left. Driving home the guilt and shame began to be amplified even more. I stfezed imagining that she took down my license plate nubcer and I'd get arrested by the cops. I am a religious peffon and I feel I've really let God down. I'm still feeling so awful and I feel like my soul is dajehsd. I trust God will help me use this exlaonsace to strengthen my faith and make me stronger agaqost future temptation. Tosakkow I will go to church and confess. Thanks if you read this far. Stay stdmng brothers and dov't let there be any exceptions in your defenses agfmbst PMO. Your brtin will try to trick you and find loopholes to get you to PMO. 6 kinkucpcse91 РІ gonewildaudio 7 Eves-garden РІ gobwahyborjdo SinfulKisses2 38yo Hot N Spicy, New Mexico, United States