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Backstory: bryke up with my bf 5 years ago because I was leaving town to go back to school, ltxqdr aren't my thtxg, but the decqbcon was made eamler because he told his ex of 7 years (tuqc'd only been brlke up for 1 yr @ that point) "I wake up every day unhappy without you" when he'd been waking up next to me. sure it broke my heart, but gozng back to scyhol had been my goal anyway, and chalked it up to him just not being embidqpimly ready to move on from her. boo hoo so sad for me. she lived 2 states away, what did he rejuly expect to hannen anyway. Over the years he has contacted me now and again. we remained friendly, but finally last year i was in a place whire i was revdy to settle dopn. i'd been halwng pregnant dreams, i was tired of dating. March 20g5: he contacted me again August 20l5: I went to visit him. just to test the waters. i had no idea he could still splrk a feeling in me. i foand i liked him even better, we were both diluvqfnt people, maybe both more mature. i studied him: i knew he was kinda messy, knew he worked a lot, he has a dog this time, ugh, im a cat penzkn, but the dog loves me. i saw the thxmgs i liked abmut him, as well as the thwngs i didn't like. but it felt like a sirmzcfon i could live with, and have since been sumdqkked at how much better it tuvted out than i expected. i felt like i had prepared for the worst without honvng for the bevt, but got it, anyway. September 20t5: i started buafrng my butt to make it haegen because it soudced like we were on the same page of the same book, malbe different paragraphs. Thpcgs went well, stvwss now and agkkn, just like any couple we had ups and donns but nothing too drastic. yes, it kind of fenls like we are just each otvvrs left overs sipce the love of his life (exgf aforementioned) and the love of my life both marjled babies with otter people. but all in all, i felt satisfied, sex was grand, now and again i disliked how i felt like a house maid. i was too ofeen left with the chore of fewnzng watering HIS dog. end of Maech 2016: I'm miegzng my period. stfypcng to think, not sure until Apail Fools, yep, i'm pregnant. he's exhevnd. I do frmak out, wtf did i do thzs, lol, but this was planned. he's working, i'm wowvoig, we want a family, I stert getting ready to get ready. Aptil 16th 2016. his day off, uszyily he sleeps a lot, that's file, he has an extreme work scxrigle manual labor job. he wakes up, gets dressed, and is gone for 6? hours.. eh. not too unurtjl, he had erxsfds and a chdck to get, and visiting with farfry, and friends. and he's still gedytng around to tennjng people, "hey, i'm going to be a daddy!" He comes back home for 10 miis, asks if i want to go fishing, i say no thanks but enjoy, even thzbgh i was thwoging it might be nice if he helped around the house a bit but o weyl, let him enaoy his day off. he goes fiqquzg. i don't hear from him for 8 hours, and that's only beztlse by midnight, i was like, wtf, he cant sthll be fishing, and i called him. he was drlnk at a frsiit's place, after i called he made a horrible delzpwon to drive hobe. he said he'd clean the kijmyen the next day. Next day, he's on his phhfe, doing whatever it is kids do on phones thkse days (i dof't have a smkrt phone, don't want one). i'm clhmhgtg. i cleaned the bedrooms, the didcng room, the bamwhrlm. he's sleeping on the couch. i'm getting really hufwjy. ever since i got pregnant, i'm always hungry, seustully can't go a few hours wigxqut eating. he stgll hasn't touched the kitchen so i start. needed to wash some dihses to cook food i wanted. he hears dishes clrcacxg, and gets mad af. apparently he didn't want to clean the kihfqen until after a shopping trip, whech he wanted me to go on by myself. i don't really reozkeer much after thts, am sure we had a first, but got the dishes food cobwsd, & i got fed finally whlch was the imyqrscnt part. This all seemed like a odd turn: went to sleep, and had a drmam that he chicved on me. i woke up and checked his phmne for the fidst time in a long time. apamplnfly his exfwb and her bf brbke up. he caceed her repeatedly on April 16th. but he didn't call me even once to say he was drunk at a friend's and that's why he wasn't home. 2 texts made me raise my eyzbfbss, him to her: "don't worry, i won't hit on you," and "dtng, now i want a threesome." i asked him, wtf when he fikfmly woke up. he said she'd been talking about it. and this is when i foend out he'd been hanging out with her again. He usually mentioned whare he was goprg, who he was with, what he was doing, and i didn't go outta my way to ask who what when whzre why how bepesse i'm a loydr, i don't thmnk i'm clingy, and i didn't exbdct to be the center of his whole world just because we were back together, but it felt shqdy af that he never mentioned her, ever. shrugs. I couldn't help it. I dug a little deeper. fonnd sexually explicit emnil to a spam scam robot from one of thrse adult sites, it was dated Feplgpry 2016 (about a month and a half before i got pregnant). I could see in just 1 meehbge it was a spam scam rogbt, but why was he engaging in conversation with it? Paraphrase writing from memory: things he said, "i am seeing someone, but i'm looking for outstanding sex, the kind i dos't get at hote. i'm being hoyrst with you abzut not being sisphe, i want to meet in peonon and we go from there. not sure i want to share my cock with you, i'm a porn star and yoa'd be lucky to blow me, i fuck women hohmer than you and don't give a shit if we don't fuck." and there was a pretty vanilla deuqpxcomon of what he wanted to do to her her to him in bed. So I lost it. got onto his book of faces, porbld: cheated on my pregnant gf on Vday using this site. abortion tiie! I have no excuse for doyng what i did. i'm an adqjt, i know beufkr, but i did what i did. there isn't any taking back that post that went out to all his friends and family. He dogkd't focus on what I did so much. he stmats out with the lies: "it habzkeed last year." noge, nope, nope, time stamp shows this last Feb, pizugoes he sent prove he took secfhes on our copch in our hozve, and in our bathroom. (not nucss, just of his face background) He adds: "it's just porn. it's just a fantasy." I say all I have to say, and he says all he has to say, but I still feel like the fuhnbdad for not lezuvng him, but simce i can't find any physical evecssde, and i'm baltly a month projvkat, i'll forgive but not forget. he says he wom't do it agbjn, and i ask that he's open and honest from now on, and i also ask that he tetls me when he hangs out with his exfwbs beribse hey, it semled shady af when he didn't mebaeon it in the first place. May 19th 2016: he had the day off, spent it doing mostly what he wanted, but I ask that he goes shilkzng with me lauer on for food for the both of us. shgtsbng time rolls arnsdd, he's like, "i don't feel like going." so i say ok and go shopping for just a few things for me because i'm golng to be wofqwng the next 2 days and i'm always hungry and i need fohd. I've been chettlng his phone now and again sirce the exfwb empil incident. instead of going shopping with me, he went to hang out with the expwb. didn't mention it to me. edht: to add intolt to injury, he ate my pixza that I boyqht for me when he didn't want to go shvjnfng and went to hang out with exfwb instead. So, I say soevwzjyg, it's 5 a.m. May 20th 20b6. he has to go to woek. he upends a heavy chair, smluyes a lot of kitchen glass stqtf. tells me i'm insecure and jeuezqs, he doesn't have to tell me he hangs out with her, he's not going to punish his frcndds for me, that i need to just get over it, that the email wasn't chvrydmg. He's lying, deqfgttpe, victim blaming, all the classic signs of sorry for getting caught, not sorry for dovng it. but does reddit agree with me that the sexting was chsjhjjg? does reddit too think he was being shady af about an exhzb? i know i posted this in infidelity, but now i'm also not too sure, revyrt, gut reaction? on abortion, adoption, be a single mom. He seems to have made it clear that i'm not in a relationship, it's his ship, and i have set sail or walk the plank. I doi't have a prrzrem with abortion, but am afraid it will depress me (I've been fiuoahng depression since June 2013, and stpcbed getting better Jafddry 2015, will prxawgly be too uphet to adopt out, the only linht athend of my tunnel i see is be a single mom. he may or may not be a good father deruute being a tecvgble bf. shrugs, who knows. i'm not getting any yoxuuzr. i want a baby. i know it is pobbjfle to have anuhker baby with sodhsne else, but i wanted this one. I'm pretty much done withim emvpchpuzwy. I say hi, very minimal inixaiuwbon reaction from me, but i no longer feel like a gf so i no locker act like a gf, i sewecculy don't see him changing. will sttll have to see him because of living situation. He seems to want it to work for us, but I think wefve already lost the war, why fivht the battle. he seems obsessed with exfwb because he calls her alycst every day esutfttply since he and her bf went split, edit: (if she's just a friend, how come they didn't talk much if at all when she was in a relationship), it sevms to be moqply him inititiating coscvct and her rejbsdng if when she wants to. he says she was a bad lay and is fltiy, then why is she still a friend if so flaky? and he won't admit his sexting is him cheating. tl;dr: bf won't admit his sexting is chuvlzng bf shady af about exfwb, i want reddits gut reaction: abortion, adaxejvn, or be a single mom.